A few months ago I was attending one of those webinars put on by a big motivational speaker.
A webinar? Yes, one of those semi- interesting, usually boring, all online & easy to ignore most of video seminars. Now, usually webinars aren't my gig, I like face to face stuff. The live events where I can be in the same space as the speaker, it keeps me plugged in and I absorb more. You're probably the same, too.
But this one helped me put my finger on something I have watched paralyze many people in my 5 years of doing business.
Fear, shame and avoidance.
The speaker coined the phrase "Post Traumatic Recession Disorder." He likened the behavior of people afraid to jump the hurdles towards homeownership again after hardship, to be like that of those who have experienced a life changing event that left them with a PTSD diagnosis.
Would you consider the loss of your home through foreclosure or a short sale life changing and traumatic? How about a Bankruptcy? A period of un or under employment? Health issues and a medical bill pile-up? A divorce? Unexpected loss of a partner? How about falling victim to a shady Real Estate, Mortgage, Banking or other industry professional who exploited you to financial peril?
It's heavy stuff. And it is absolutely traumatizing.
I know, because I've been there.
A short sale and a bankruptcy, actually. I've even experienced redeeming my home after facing foreclosure through a divorce. I've had my utilities shut off on me, had to ask the State for help feeding my kids. It's scary and it's hits home, literally, in a way that losing your favorite watch or even a car can't touch. Humility is difficult to access when you're afraid about the future. And humility without shame is usually what we need to exercise in order to overcome these hardships and prosper in the future. More on that later.
Have you been there before? What was that like?
Now, the difference between PTSD and Post Traumatic Recession Disorder is the specific behavior of homeownership. But the fear, shame, avoidance and overwhelm is shared.
I was intrigued by this notion of Trauma and homeownership experiences, so began to learn more about PTSD and found these three stand out cross over characteristics between those who suffer with PTSD and those who have lost a home or suffered any loss during a financial hardship:
- Decreased interest or participation in certain activities
- A sense that time is short and there is no future
- Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event is happening all over again
These things that happened to you. To your life, to your finances, to your family, your reputation. They don't have to haunt your future. They don't define you. And they don't have to hold you back any more.
A wise woman that I happen to adore once said…
"Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy." -Brene Brown, PHD, LMSW
Today is your day to be humble and accepting of your history. Losing your house, your job, your health. None of that is a part of your day today. Unless you choose it to be.
Today could be the day that you decide you're going to take a hold of your story and change the course. Be the change-maker, the one that overcomes and shine brighter than before. You have it in you. The courage and the vision.
And I'll be here every step of the way.
I know you have been dreaming about it again. The house, the pride of ownership. The kitchen table and space to make memories. And you should keep on dreaming. Without shame or fear or unanswered curiosity.
Obviously there's some technical preparation that goes in to owning a home again after a hardship.
- Foreclosure or Deed-In-Lieu
- Short Sale
- Mortgage Lates or Loan Modification
- Credit Card/ Revolving Account Lates
- Consumer Credit Counseling
- Continuous Employment
I've got this handy matrix of scenarios and what the general rules are for buying after each event. Hit me in the footer of the page "Learn More" and I'll send you a downloadable pdf. flowsheet, free no spam email after effect.
No matter the event you will have had to be working consistently for at least a year, have some moolah in savings and of course, the scores. Those pesky mysterious scores still matter. You see mortgage lending today is still tight after the industry went through the upheaval of our recession, but I would wager that with a little hustle and determination you could have your self ready to buy again in no time. Your single biggest hurdle isn't going to be finding someone to do the loan, or to save the money, it's going to be to stay with it when it gets tougher.
I know a woman (she's a client) that lost her home to foreclosure a little over a year ago and she worked hard to save her money to buy again. Her scores are solid, credit scores recover surprisingly well with a little coaching from your lender or reputable credit repair group about which moves to make. And she and I? We're out shopping for places again, because we have pushed hard to find a lender and program made just for her! It is possible. You can make it happen.
You don't need to embark on the journey blind or without support, it's why I'm in business, to support you, to guide you to help you along the path.
Now, I want to hear about you and your story. Share it in the comments below, let's air it out and get you on to the future!
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